When most people think of bathhouses, they think of dark buildings where you go to have anonymous sex. While, for the most part, that may hold some truth, Club San Diego, the only remaining bathhouse in America’s Finest City, intends to change that mindset.
Originally opening its doors in 1982, Club San Diego has seen many changes and cultural shifts over the years. Its most recent change in ownership happened when Marc Birou took it on with his husband, Jerry, after the previous owner, Omar, passed away.
In 2019, the building caught fire, leaving Marc and Jerry with a lot of work on their shoulders.
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“We knew Omar was sick at the time, so really, the process was left to Jerry and me,” Birou tells GayCities, noting that Jerry, unfortunately, passed away recently, as well. “Bathhouses are — were — known or are believed to be dirty and dingy. Jerry and I didn’t see it that way. A lot of staff here at the time were basically off the street and drug addicts themselves. The fire allowed us to lay everybody off and start over again.”
Birou, who came out later in life and considers being gay an honor, says they wanted to brighten up the place and take on a more European model in their approach to the bathhouse.
“Sometimes the old guys don’t like it because they have that mindset of ‘don’t let anyone know I go here,’” he says. “I’ve never been to a bathhouse in Europe, but the reading I had done is that it’s more like the old Roman bathhouses, where they used to go do business together and knew each other. Sex maybe happened, but it wasn’t the primary thing. We wanted to go that route, so this wasn’t just a place to come and have sex.”
Even though it’s not a “sex mandatory” place, it certainly happens, which is evident as soon as you walk into the main room and see a vending machine full of toys, lube, douche tips, and anything else you’d need for play, with condoms provided for free.
Among the rooms are various suites and several options for swings, rim chairs, and sex benches. Some rooms have TVs with a consistent stream of adult films, and there’s a jacuzzi where Birou says people tend to sit around and chat, which is precisely what he wants.
“It’s a private men’s club, and it’s where men want to be around men and be around the maleness,” he says. “If you want to be really close to your friends, you strip down naked, not necessarily to have sex, but to be transparent. To emotionally, mentally, and physically strip down naked. You were given this body to enjoy. If you happen to find somebody you want to have some fun with, even better.”
While they do aim to be more inclusive, the club has a born-male-only mentality regarding who comes in, apart from specialty nights that invite a broader realm of the LGBTQ+ community.
Regardless of the event, Club San Diego also has a DJ booth to encourage people to dance naked and away from the clubs.
Whether you’re having sex, enjoying the sauna, or having a good conversation, the club’s biggest focus is on safety. It’s part of the reason they hand out free condoms, but they also offer HIV testing, with free lockers as a reward. They partner with the Family Health Center for the testing, another avenue they’re exploring to make a difference.
“We want to change the entire industry,” says current General Manager Andre Collins-Bowser, the only worker there before the fire. “We’re supposed to be a part of the community and want to be a healthy space for others.”
The desire to be a healthy space for the community is also one of the primary factors driving their focus on safety at all times.
“It isn’t safe to be in the bushes cruising at night,” says Birou. “It’s not safe to be on Grindr inviting people over to your home that you don’t know. Jerry and I were together for 28 years before he died. I tell people there’s a seven-year itch and a 15-year itch. Most men do it anyway, even when they’re married, and they just don’t talk about it until they get caught. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it needs to be safe.”
Birou also shared a couple of grueling stories from his experience, including one with his friend, Marco, who was found “slashed to death with blood all over the walls” after he invited somebody home from the bar.
“That was part of the concept of bringing people over here after the bar instead of taking them home,” says Birou, noting the mandatory rules surrounding disclosure of your status and reiterating their HIV testing services. He also stresses the importance of removing people who don’t adhere to the rules, especially those revolving around consent.
Changing the atmosphere around bathhouses has challenges, which Collins-Bowser says has been quite the journey. “We’re, like, the first ones doing this,” he says, specifically referring to the rise of events, the DJ, and the shift into a more spa-like feel with the steam rooms and saunas. “We’re setting the tone. Other bathhouses want to know what we’re doing.”
Collins-Bowser is also headed to the North American Bathhouse Association convention in New Orleans later this year to share their vision. His attendance is also based on an invite as their mindset and approach become more popular.
Those interested in visiting Club San Diego can purchase day passes, or those looking for a membership can do one month for $35, six months for $85, or a full year for $120. Memberships bring discounts for all locker and room rentals, valid for eight hours at a time.
While Birou admits most people don’t hang around that long, he stresses they don’t want this to be the place to go if you only want a quickie.
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“Some people tell us we’re the most expensive bathhouse in America,” he says. “One, we believe in taking care of our employees, and they need a decent wage with decent benefits. We also have events and discounts, Happy Hour on Monday and Friday, and nights for seniors and people under 25. It’s a different experience, but it depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for something down and dirty and real quick, it’s an expensive blowjob. We provide more value here, and that’s what we’re looking to change.”
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